Of This I Am Certain
Yep, it’s me again.
You’ve heard a lot from me this week, Lord. I know that there have been requests on my part for good health, good weather for my upcoming meet, money, time . . . the list goes on and on. Turns out, You’re listening. But You’re taking this life in a direction I don’t understand.
Right now, my life is full of “I don’t know”s. I don’t know what Your ultimate plan and purpose is in bringing us to the perfect vehicle for our needs, only to turn around and allow expensive repairs to be needed on said vehicle. I don’t know why we are experiencing continual hardships that only drain us of energy and time. There is no evident blessing in these situations. I don’t know if there will ever be any evident blessing in it all.
You see me. You see my tense figure, my clenched jaw, my lip bit between teeth. You see my abdomen, all tightened up as if I were planking! You hear my deep breaths, my agitated typing. My frowned brow is not hidden from Your sight.
Oh, God who sees me, do You also see how my heart aches for You? How even in all this chaos, I long to hear Your voice, to see some glimmer that there is a hope in all of this? I am trying my hardest to follow You and all I am seeing is imperfection, chaos, and sadness. It is all messy and I’m confused.
But of this I am certain.
In confusion, in deep valleys and dark shadows, You guide me with Your rod and staff. Where the world and the enemy has no compassion on me, You show me new mercies every morning. I am alive. I am well. I am finishing a cross country season injury free and laden with PR’s. My heart is whole in Your steadfast love. My family is not broken, despite adversity.
I am traveling on a narrow path. It’s hard, rocky, and hilly. This race I’m running is not an easy course. You’ve marked it out in directions I would not have chosen. I want to give up! Yet then I look up to see You, leading the way because You know where this leads. You’ve run it before me. You are my Coach, my Faithful Leader, my Joyful Redeemer. This face, these truths, will I seek.
I’m searching for it. I’m hunting around in this darkness, groping for the truth You offer me.