So, this week officially qualifies as the week with the most cancellations in my life haha. By Tuesday, there had been three cancellations, which are as follows:
- My mom’s Monday morning induction was cancelled due to my dad’s sudden illness.
- Our track meet Tuesday night was cancelled due to complications with the athletic director at that school.
- Our mile time trials and mock 4×400 relay planned for practice Tuesday evening (to replace the meet in a way) was cancelled due to another team using the football field in the middle of the track. Balls were being tossed, etc., causing danger for any nearby runners.
I used big words in those sentences and wrote objectively so I could somehow mask the disappointment that kept growing in me as each happened. These are the moments when my blog name comes back to mock me. The Lord is saying, keep your hands open, Aliyah, because right now is when you need to be surrendering to Me most. But I’m saying, by having my hands open, I’ve been given nothing but disappointment. The sinful nature in me and the Spirit in me are in conflict. This kind of conflict makes it even harder for me to face issues that would regularly come up anyways: sibling relationship tensions, prioritizing school and Bible study, and being the best help I can be to my mom right now. With those issues bombarding me on Monday, I wasn’t feeling great at all. All I could think was, how on earth is the Lord going to glorify Himself through this?! My life is a wreck and there is nothing beautiful that can happen through this.
I was wrong. And a lot of times, it is an incredibly cool thing when I am wrong.
Here are the blessings that have come out of all my thwarted plans. Remember, the issues with my siblings and whatnot sprouted more or less out of the original disappointments of the three cancellations.
- I have gotten an extra few days of normal life before Julia comes. Based off my less-than-wonderful reaction to her induction being cancelled, odds are I wasn’t even ready for her coming.
- Having to deal with sibling relationship issues on top of everything else might feel overwhelming, but it is sanctifying. This is something I had to go through in order to know God’s grace and mercy better.
- Struggling with prioritizing the Word of God made me push even harder to get in the Word. I might’ve messed up a lot of different things this week, but the one thing I got right was that the Word was the answer. Not anything I could do. But everything God could do.
- The cancelled track meet was admittedly a bit relieving but also frustrating. I had really done a good job mentally preparing myself for the meet. However, my mental prep did nothing for my disappointment. This cancellation has taught me to glorify God by being flexible to His plans.
- The cancelled time trial stung. It was like insult added to injury. Yes, I’m not always a fan of mile time trials. Yes, racing hurts and I’d be okay with getting out of it. But I was with my teammates, looking forward to it, and ready to make a personal record. Still, I got to get a great workout in with my friends (that left me sore haha). FCA as a team got to learn what it is to have a good reaction to a bad situation. We were able to encourage each other and I refrained from dwelling on the messed-up plans all evening. And, hey. I got to go to Chick-Fil-A with my daddy afterwards, with my number one, waffle fries, and chocolate shake. It doesn’t get much better than that. The Lord provides.
Notice that though there were three cancellations, five blessings came out of it. *blinks in disbelief* It’s realizations like this that make me smile sheepishly at the Lord and hold out open hands once more. Your will, Jesus, not mine.