Wait & Hope

Wait & Hope

I ran away from Your love, but You waited for me, yes, You waited for me. Then I heard Your song, You singing over me . . . Lord, I am calling Your Name, and I’m waiting for You, yes, I’m waiting for You. So won’t You show me Your ways, and I will follow You. 

I feel like the mantra of this fall for me has been wait & hope. You’ll learn very quickly from posts like Of This I Am Certain that there have been wrestling moments in my heart. Yet, through it all, I’ve been learning so many lessons. Let me just update you on my life a little before we get into the lessons. 😉

After cross-country ended, my family & I headed to Virginia for a vacation/family reunion. It was a great weekend. I got to see Switchfoot in concert, which was awesome! My dad took the older four kids on a Starbucks “date”, and he could not believe the total price we paid for our drinks! It was a funny moment to laugh and shake our heads at what this world is coming to. Sarah, me, and our cousin Cassidy got to have a great time running together and goofing around in various situations involving cotton candy . . . need I say more? I feel so blessed to get to enjoy moments like these with my family. The end of the fun weekend collided with the post-cross-country-season sting. After XC is over, I’m instantly without the fellowship and fun of being on a team! Returning to normal life after the runner’s high and the fun family weekend was depressing, to say the least.

I mentioned our vehicle issues in this post. Since we are currently saving money to add on to our house (in our house, 12 kiddos and 3 adults get crowded!), the expensive vehicle repairs just set us back more from doing this. 🙁 Upon returning home from VA, this became very real to me when I realized what if God isn’t going to give us what we believe we need in this situation? What if He doesn’t give us a bigger home? The doubts filled my head. In the quiet moments of the evenings when I do my devotions, I would come hesitantly to the throne of God, to seek Him. Yet my dreams, hopes, plans, and desires were clutched in my hands, and I didn’t want to let them go. Surrendering them meant surrendering myself.

He spoke:

“Then I will heal you of your faithlessness; My love will know no bounds, for my anger will be gone forever.” Hosea 14:4

There was a time when God’s wrath was on me. But Jesus scorned the shame of my sin and rescued me when He took the cross. I realized that God is not a God of my cut-and-dry plans. But nor is He a God who hates and harbors anger against His redeemed. He is not punishing us. He is good, and His love is unending and unbreakable. Therefore, what more could I ask than for Him to lead us in the good way? Then, again, He showed me something more:

“Jesus responded, ‘Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!’ Then He got up and rebuked the wind and the waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.” Matthew 8:26

Jesus could have prevented this storm. Yet He allowed it to show the disciples (and us, as it turns out) His power. He could bring all of my hopes and dreams for my family’s future into one beautiful, glorious plan right now. But . . . He’s asking me: through the storms, will you trust that I am transforming your heart? To make you have hopes and dreams that I can truly make into a beautiful and glorious plan someday?

He asks: will you wait & hope for the someday?

In Bible study on the last day of October, which I viewed as a rough month in the span of 2016, we dove into John 5:1-15, about the man who had been disabled and in pain for 38 years. Can you even imagine? I can try and imagine, since, in my dramatic state of mind, my emotional pain seems to go on for lifetimes. But let’s be honest. Most of us have no idea what that would be like.

Then Jesus shows up and heals him. Wow. Would this story be as powerful if the man had only had one year of suffering? Jesus knew how long the man’s pain had lasted. He was not unaware of it.

“God saw His people Israel – and God knew.” Exodus 2:25

He allows these storm and these periods of suffering to display His mercy and power. God knows my suffering. I am known by the Maker of the universe – and not only that, but I have a future predestined by the Maker of the universe. It isn’t as if my prayers, if numerous and fervent enough, may someday break the sound barrier and reach His ears to finally spur on action. No. My way is not hidden from the Lord, nor is my cause disregarded by Him. This is the anchor I’m holding on to.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I see this verse, on calendars and mugs and all sorts of paraphernalia, but I don’t believe it. When I see it, I dismiss it as something God may do for some people, but not for me. Today, will you join me in believing it, once and for all? Because:

“The Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!” Isaiah 30:18

We’re all waiting, even though we are all waiting for different things. Today – I will choose to see the blessing in the waiting. It’s called hope. He’s making diamonds out of us, even in this. Thanks for listening to me, friends. <3 We’re family in Him, and I’m blessed to have a family like all of you.